Thoughts during procrastination

Actually, I should probably be doing LESS thinking and more DOING right about now. Procrastinating a mere four days before leaving for New York University's Summer Publishing Institute probably isn't such a great idea, considering I still have boatloads of homework to do. And packing. As well as the intense "psych-ing up" process that has to occur before such a drastic life change.

Perhaps it's because the way I cope with change is to ignore it, but work has been moving pretty slowly around here--even though my plane leaves 7 a.m. Sunday morning. I could chalk it up to all the mental preparation I've been doing: mentally going through the whole "flying to NYC by myself" thing, practicing my cab-getting skills, memorizing the layout of LaGuardia airport. And all that is for simply getting to the dorm! I'm actually not as nervous about the day-to-day of the Institute itself. Everyone is meeting in the lobby of Palladium (the dorm where we're staying) an hour before orientation so that we can all take the subway to the Woolworth building together. And then, for all the classes, I'll be with the same group of people--some of which (I'm hoping) will also be new to the big city. What does make me anxious are all the things I'll have to do myself: flying, negotiating the airport, finding a way to 140 E. 14th Street. For many my age, these things are second nature. However this is only the second time I've flown, the first time by myself and this is, by far, the biggest city I've ever been to. Call me country mouse, but I know I'm going to be dumbfounded by what I'll find in New York City this summer.

The problem is, I am determined to succeed at the Institute. This means taking everything new in stride, projecting an aura of confidence, and believing that the world of professional publishing is something a small-town girl from Ohio can not only handle, but kick everybody's ass along the way. I want to impress these big-city editors and prove to them that this IS the career for me. To do this, I really need to get over my insecurities. I try to tell myself that I am fulfilling a lifelong dream in coming to New York City--especially to study book publishing (my dream career besides being an award-winning writer). Hopefully I'll make some friends while I'm there, go sightseeing, go out a few times, learn a few things so that I'm more tempting to future employers, and experience everything I've ever dreamed about New York.

Getting there is still a ways away, though. These past few days have been ... eventful ... but I definately haven't accomplished everything I could. Tuesday I did my manuscript editing assignment, sending that in on Blackboard. It wasn't too hard considering its resembled the critiques we did in my journalism, narrative non-fiction, capstone. Today, I got some important errands out of the way, things I needed to do before leaving: got my hair cut, got my glasses tightened, bought make-up, bought a new water bottle, spent some time with Kim. Tomorrow, I really need to finish the rest of my homework. It's actually not too difficult except for the fact that's it's creative: I have to come up with one "terrific" idea for a new magazine launch, and then five ideas for potential book launches. Yikes. I guess I'll really sit down and brainstorm tomorrow. I also need to do laundry, pack and organize everything I'll need for six weeks in New York.

The money situation has been stressful, though. Like I told Kim tonight, I get anxious when I don't have a steady paycheck. I spent quite a bit of money today, but that's because haircuts and good make-up is so expensive. I've been DSW twice and (miraculously) didn't buy anything, despite the $10 gift certificate burning a hole in my purse. I think I've convinced my mom to make a I'll-miss-you purchase, since I would really like new brown sandals (the Old Navy flip flops just aren't cutting it anymore). We'll see about that. Other than that, I've been holed up at home for three weeks now, wasting post-graduation time doing puzzles, reading Stephen King, watching way too much Law & Order and HGTV ... the usual. I've also been anxious about Joel up at GM. GM is expected to go into bankruptcy next week and Joel is almost certain he'll be laid off. Hopefully this isn't true (his co-op position hasn't been cut yet!), but if it is, at least he'll be home this summer. God, I keep holding out for the stockholders to save the company at the last second. I only hope GM comes out of this alive; Joel really loves it there and it would be simply fantastic for him to have a job offer waiting after graduation next year.